ready

It's weird. i havent written in my journal or my blog in the longest time.

Its not like the thoughts arent there...no trust me my mind is problem running more than ever. But I don't know. maybe its laziness? lack of motivation? or maybe the fact that probably nobody acutally reads this is getting to me? or maybe its the emptiness i've been feeling...


I'm an empty vessel. and I'm ready to be filled.

"For you were once darkness, but now you are in the light of the Lord.
Live as children of the light (for the fruit of the light consists of
goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases
the Lord. Have nothing to do with fruitless deeds of darkness,
but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention
what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light
becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible.
This is why is is said:

Wake up, O sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you."

ephesians 5:8-14

year of change

i've started to realize how many people depend on me and come to me whenever they're in need. i'm honored for that and love to help, because taking care of people is kind of my thing.

but come to think of it. i haven't had anyone keep me accountable in almost two years. and it gets rough taking everyone else in without really having an outlet. People see me as such a happy and independent person, but does anyone ever wonder why i am this way or the journey that it took to get here? Sometimes I get tempted to wear the mask that i keep so well and go back into that place but no. that's over.

each drop of our love. our frustrations. and everything else of ours only adds movement to God's vast love. so this time it'll be love. all of it. this year is a year of change. at least for me. i've been told by many and i will trust it. i don't trust easily, but that i can trust.

a definiton along with a different meaning

what does it mean..
to have a friend?
to be a friend?
to be friends?

are they supposed to be someone you can talk to?

or someone to talk about?

should they be allowed to make you cry?

or hold you while you cry?

what about honesty?

is it all about telling each other what you want to hear?

or opening up despite if it hurts them or even you,
because at the end of the day
you know that this friend will still be there and love you?

will they even be there?

what would you call friendships that are

broken, corrupted, or that never was?

everyone gives a definition,

yet they live it out with a totally different meaning.

what does it mean anymore?